A Tale Of One Mouse

A few weeks ago my apartment was stricken with a tragedy.

Thank gd no calls to 911 were made, no blood and gore.

It was worse.

We had a little visitor.

Dum de dum dum.

Sounds like a horror story eh? Well it was.

Now I’m all for visitors. I love hosting parties. I get socially awkward when I have many people over so I usually hide out in my kitchen but party planning and preparing are one of my hobbies.  Had I known this little thing was paying a visit though, I wouldn’t plan a party.

Yes, it was that bad.

We had  a mouse.

Ask N for details since she was oh so fortunate enough to see it.

Oh and by the way it was dead. Dead with poop surrounding it. Yum.

I smelled a pretty foul smell at the beginning of the day and figured it was rotten potatoes or something. So what do I do when I smell a bad smell? Just spray an overwhelming amount of Febreze while doing the Febreze dance, which consists of a lot of twirling and whirling.

You know you sprayed enough when you can’t breathe and need to stay out of the room for a minimum of 6 minutes because if you go in you may suffocate and die.

So maybe it was my ridiculous amount of Febreze, which killed the rodent. And for that I am sorry. Not.

Anyways, dead mouse. Poop. Smelly. Screaming. Threatening to never move from the couch again. I literally saw my future pass in front of me. I would get married on that couch. Have a baby on that couch. Make dinner on that couch. I was not not NOT moving from my couch until this rodent was disposed of. Thank g-d I was eating an apple when this whole thing went down. I just needed to make that apple last for the rest of my life and it would be the couch, the apple and me together forever.

I’m really not an animal person to begin with. Dogs are scarier to me then Bin Laden was. So when it comes to a mouse, well they are scarier to me then nuclear war.

Anyways, to cut a long story short the mouse was disposed of. Shout out D & J.

We called our landlord like any good tenants would do to pretty much tell him his apartment may or may not be infested.

The following is his theory (and I wrote a blah post so far either on purpose or because I have been studying all day. Your call. But this theory tots makes up for this eh post): “I believe the mouse came from the window. Yes, I guess it flew in or something and made it inside a closed cabinet. Of course mice are able to fly into a seventh floor apartment kitchen. Now I know the windows in the kitchen aren’t huge but it’s very possible.”

Ok great mice fly everyone. MICE FLY. So seal your windows shut because who knows you can get a little visitor flying through your window. I mean really?! They fly with what their tail?! A new mouse family began recently with the special power of flight?! I’m thinking if I was a mouse I would want the superpower of invisibility, but to each their own. Ok learn something new everyday. Apparently my landlord just:

1) found a new species

2) is a zoologist

3) is stupid

Next part of the conversation:

“So dear landlord, what do you suggest we do? Should we call an exterminator?”

“Oh my no. Don’t call an exterminator. They will evacuate you from the apartment for a few days and chances are they will evacuate the entire building. The entire building will be forced to flee with just the clothes on their back.”

I think it’s safe to say I thought he was high at this point.

Fine, I don’t know much about animals (forgive me National Geographic) so who knows perhaps a mouse species could have came into being.

But I’m going to be evacuated because of a mouse?
Like I will be sitting in the homeless shelter for the week that I would have been evacuated and would have no where to go and discussing with my fellow homeless-ers what brings us here. One guy came here because he lost his job. One girl came here because her parents abruptly cut her off (parents, never do that to me please) and I along with my two roommates (we miss you R) would have been there because a mouse came into our kitchen.

In November when the rockets were being thrown at us we asked our landlord what the deal is with the bomb shelter and he said we shouldn’t even bother asking because nothing will happen.

In June when a mouse was being thrown at us and we asked our landlord what the deal is we get, “HIDE YO KIDS HIDE YO WIFE THE MICE ARE INVADING. AND YES THE BOMB SHELTER IS NOW OPEN.”

I mean priorities. Please!

Update: We have not called the exterminator because sleeping on the streets for a week and then coming back to see all my fellow apartment building peeps hate us isn’t really in the cards right now.

We have not seen/smelled/heard a mouse since. BLI AYIN HARA.